5 writers on their greatest influences

Hear from Jessica DeFino, Michael Estrin, and more on who has helped them cultivate self-trust

From famous actors to childhood trees (yes, trees), I asked these writers about who (or what) most influenced who they are today. Their answers are surprising, varied, and delightful. Chosen from my Cave of the Heart interview series, I hope you enjoy these bits of inspiration from your favorite Substackers.

1. Harry Dean Stanton —

Jessica DeFino

I am going to take the phrase “who you are today” very literally and go with Harry Dean Stanton — specifically, Harry Dean Stanton in conversation with David Lynch; that famous interaction where David Lynch says “How would you describe yourself?” and Harry Dean Stanton says, “As nothing. There is no self,” and they laugh. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of the self today for an article I’m writing on beauty as so-called “self-care” and “self-expression.” I bristle when people use these terms because in order for beauty products to be a tool for self-expression, you first must have a self to express, and I get the overwhelming sense that most people don’t know who they are outside of what they buy and apply.

» Read more about Flirté Jesus and how Instagram broke her brain in Jessica’s Cave of the Heart Interview.

2. Ina Garten —

Caroline Chambers

Ina Garten! I vividly remember discovering the Food Network and her cooking show, Barefoot Contessa, when I was a junior in college. I’d seen it in passing before, but when I finally had my own TV and my own ability to record shows (oh, the days before streaming), I found myself rapt with Ina Garten. Her fabulous friends! Her dinner parties! Her gorgeous, but approachable food!

I started cooking her recipes, hosting dinner parties, and finding the joy in cooking for the people you love. 

» Read more about her recipe development and writing process in Caroline’s Cave of the Heart interview.

3. Larry David —

Michael Estrin

I could probably write a book about all the people who have inspired me because I draw inspiration from many sources. But for

Situation Normal

readers, I think the most obvious person is Larry David, who co-created Seinfeld and created Curb Your Enthusiasm. I think Larry David’s writing really helped me see the appeal of slice of life humor.

For the most part, storytelling is about big themes and big narrative arcs. People fall in love, go on epic quests, solve unsolvable crimes, etc. It’s real hero’s journey stuff. I love those kinds of stories, but that’s not where my mind lives. I’m much more interested in the stuff of everyday life. For me, the small things in life are a humor goldmine. Larry David’s work is where I first saw a writer mine gold from the experiences most people overlook. 

» Read more about what he considers a “humor goldmine” in Michael’s Cave of the Heart interview. 

4. My mother —

Noha Beshir

I took a long time to answer this one because I really wanted to pick a cool, esoteric indie someone or other to point to and impress everyone with the obscurity of it all. But even after I left it for a week, there is only one undeniable answer: my mother.

My mother is a force to be reckoned with. I know that’s a cliché but I can’t think of a better way to describe her. She is an incredibly strong, incredibly principled, incredibly disciplined woman. She grew up in Egypt, completed med school there, and then moved to Canada with my dad in the early 70s.

I always say that there were so few people wearing hijab when she moved to Ottawa that she was taken for a nun. But the truth is that when she first wore the hijab in Egypt, she was one of the first to put it on after generations of Western influence on the country. She endured ridicule and insults from everyone around her. Relatives and neighbours would taunt her and ask her if she thought she was “more Muslim” than them.

My mom is also a natural leader. She sees the people in front of her as they are. Really sees them. She has no time for small talk — always goes straight for the deep stuff. In terms of her influence on me, I think I learned the value of community, hard work, and pride in my identity.

» Read more about her incredible mother in Noha’s Cave of the Heart interview.

5. A birch tree —

Priscilla Stuckey

There was a birch tree in our yard that my parents had planted a few years before I was born, and we grew up together. I remember touching fingertips to branches when I was very small and peeling the tissue-paper-thin white bark. And I enjoyed being outside on summer days. Sometimes as a teenager I would sit on the grass beneath the tree and read and write in a journal.

But it was what that tree did when I was in my early thirties that set me on the road to becoming the person I am today. I was living in Oakland, CA, by then, and one day the tree came to visit me in spirit. It just became very real and present in my mind’s eye for several minutes, and then it faded away. I wondered what that was about—until my brother called later from our hometown and said the tree was not doing well and would have to be cut down. So the tree had come to spend a few more moments together and say goodbye. I’d never experienced anything like that before, and it began to change me.

» Read more about her winding, neurodivergent path to writing in Priscilla’s Cave of the Heart interview.

After many years as an editor and writer, I find that I’m most drawn to voices that help renew a sense of trust in my own inner direction. So, thanks for joining me on this tour of self-trust!