Love this! Saw your call for quotes and I should have known this would be the direction. I would go so far as to say writers block is a total misnomer and I really appreciate where you went with this
Your article resonated with me and was well done. It must have taken a lot of talented time and effort to pull together all the elements, including comments from other writers, for your article. Your reference to MLMs reminded me of a part of my recent article where I was bemoaning all the sales hype and seduction to buy writer's support items or services interfering with a writer's creative flow. Now, with the advanced sophistication of marketing, how can a vulnerable writer survive? Also, in my more recent articles, I have been doing more of a hybrid of memoir and self-help, but not sure I have the right balance, and maybe because of my professional mental health background, lean more toward self-help. However, my favorite mentor always told me never to give anyone advice, as he actually was giving me advice or a perplexing paradox. https://www.inmindwise.com/p/surmounting-writers-block
“When trying to write, sometimes the writer talks in circles (and more circles, still) about how IF they write this story and IF the story is published, it’s possible that their mother, father, cousin or former priest MIGHT become mad or decide to sue them.”
THIS. When I was younger, I used to always say I didn’t want to “rock the boat.” Then it became more about just not wanting to deal with the backlash. I hasn’t been until the last couple of years that I’ve been able to write about my experience.
And I wouldn’t even classify my experience as traumatic. It’s more about being counter-cultural to my family’s accepted narrative of who I am. I’ve always let them believe it because whatever... they’re loss.
Next week I’m dipping my toe into the waters of my back story, just a little bit. I’m pretty excited, which is a weird emotion in this context. But I’m excited because I’m finally moving past this block I’ve had in regards to telling this story.
And I love everything about this post -- the brain science you share and how it relates to us telling our stories. Wonderful timing for what I’m drafting. Thanks 🙏🏼.
Ahhhh these "backstory" waters are very bubbly waters. (And nevermind about the typos ... I see what you're saying!)
I do think you're tapping at a bigger conversation here: that you wouldn't classify your experience as traumatic, BUT it did create enough sense of unsafeness (is that a word? it is now.) that something was sort of, steering you around that kind of writing and admission for a long time. That feels like lizard brain to me: the intentional, well-meaning, if not erratic, driver at the wheel saying, "Anywhere but heeeeeeereeeeee...!" But now you get to find out and point out to your lizard brain, "Watch what actually happens when we go to this new place."
Fascinating and useful discussion. I’ve had a couple of people ask me what changed since I got sick as my writing has kicked up a notch. Some of it is lowering the bar (unpaid so far) and some of it is deciding not to give a flying... I had a chat with my lizard and we decided that *crickets* was the worst thing likely to happen and we were both ok with that.
Ahhh fantastic! I hope you'll chime in on tomorrow's discussion thread — I'm not sure how many readers have tried having a chit chat with their lizard brain before. :)
I got the idea from Martha Beck & Rowan Mangan’s BeWildered podcast, now my Parts chat all the time. The ‘Father of IFS’ was interviewed on Good Inside podcast and he had a wonderful technique of asking his Parts to ‘let me stay’ - to let the observer-me stay in a crisis because that’s the Part that can referee. Let me stay has been quietly life changing for me.
It's really interesting to consider that writer's block is a "lizard brain" response, thanks. I'm thinking about it like it's an emotional flashback or dissociation or other body response that is trying to protect myself.
Oh there’s a TON of ground to cull through here. And I have definitely experienced dissociation as a form of writer’s block. But since dissociation is mostly a response to trauma, and not everyone has that as a baseline influence of functioning, I think lizard brain is more universally accessible? Maybe? Thanks for chiming in. 🧡
Very interesting. I love how you wove Van Der Kolk's work into this. I'm a fan, too. I don't experience writer's block (did I mention this before?). I have all those same reptilian fears that you mentioned one could have about their writing, but, for whatever reason, they don't get in the way of my writing. Writing actually helps me through those fears, which is why I do it. I can't always write well, but I can always write something. Maybe it's about expectation. I keep things pretty low pressure. I don't have deadlines, and no one is breathlessly waiting for my work. I journal almost every morning, but if I'm not writing more than that, I don't call it "writer's block." I see it as a pause, and that's all it usually is.
That's so interesting! Writing has always been the way I wrestle with the world, with understanding others and I process things.
But my blocks have usually shown up when I try sharing about my lived experience, which is not what I have written up until recently. My best working theory right now is that a lifetime of masking created a substantial challenge of sitting with the "real" me and then letting that person onto the page. Up until recently, all my writing has been arm's length analysis—"out there" sort of writing, if that makes sense.
It's when I try to write from a place within (and then connect with the outside world), that my mind starts playing tricks. Until I realized my writing wasn't "letting anyone in," I don't think I would have said I experienced a "true" writing block either.
But to your point, if you're writing the things you want to, then that's what counts. The low pressure point is also a good reminder for me. I have been practicing "pushing the pressure off" my shoulders in the last month or two, while other parts of me are ready to gleefully run off into the writing sunset, which invariably results in me tripping off a cliff and landing in a ditch. 😬 Thanks for being here and sharing! And thanks for signing up for a paid subscription. I let out a little yippee when I saw it come in. 🫶
Yeah, that makes sense. You found it easier to remain distant in your writing. I can see how it could be a form of masking. I definitely used to mask when I was alone as a way to comfort myself. I even masked in journals, too. I also experience some alexithymia, which I think is why I started writing. I was trying to make sense of the flood of information and emotions that I couldn't understand. My feelings are often a mix of things, and how do you represent that without exhausting your audience?
I saw on your About page that you're working on a memoir. I wrote a memoir years ago. I read over 60 memoirs in an attempt to grasp of the genre, probably 20 or so books on writing technique, and listened to countless podcast hours about writing. I rewrote my memoir several times, but now it's languishing on my hard drive. I'm just not sure how to proceed.
I feel this line: “My feelings are often a mix of things, and how do you represent that without exhausting your audience?”
I don’t think I have a perfect working example because I do think there are some merits to recognizing the writing that’s for a diary or for bouncing off a close friend. But I do think that it’s a useful writing technique to see yourself as someone who can invite readers into confusion and not have the final answers yourself. The way your mind explores confusion is, in and of itself, valuable. So take that for what it’s worth. But it’s what I’m reminding a lot of people about: you don’t have to be landed somewhere to have something valuable to write.
About the memoir writing. Woof. This is a monumental task. My style has been to write outlines and then more outlines and then test my theories about how I’d like to share them. So the fact that you have the memoir down on paper is honestly a real step forward. The best piece of refining that I’ve seen for memoir is that your memoir needs to have theme; it shouldn’t just be a chronological recounting of events happening, people walking, a narrator thinking. I think @Claire Tak (sorry I can’t tag her from here) does a really fantastic job of bringing you into the memory by way of details and reflecting on how the person looked or moved or spoke. I’d love to keep learning about this draft you have!
My memoir follows my experiences with Reiki and some other mystical experiences, but the theme is how I learned to feel valid after a traumatic childhood. Of course, my perspective on my experiences has changed a lot after my autism diagnosis.
I've spent a lot of time studying craft and thinking about it, especially related to memoir, but I've mostly been working in isolation. I found that I can study and study and study, but that doesn't make up for having actual feedback and some self-trust. I had a regular writer's group, but no version of my memoir ever went over well with them. I was always left wondering whether I was a bad writer or if memoir just wasn't their thing. It was a mixed-genre group, where everyone had had wildly different tastes in literature.
My husband was always sure that memoir just wasn't their thing. He's been adamant that I just need to find my audience. That's partly why I started a Substack.
What is your memoir about? Or are you still in the development phase?
This might be a really good theme for one of the paid Ask-an-Editor discussion threads: share a synopsis and 4-5 paragraph sample of your writing (or link to it if it's published somewhere) and get a "gut check" reaction and some next steps.
As a point of encouragement for you: I do have an emerging theory on memoir writing: I think it's the most generous door to all other types of writing. But it's harder to "back in to memoir" from, say, fiction. The self-examination and self-reflective piece takes a certain readiness. So, with that said, if you've written memoir, I can imagine the hard work was getting it onto the page and your friends probably don't have the right sniffers for it.
My memoir has gone in a couple directions. I think the best one I've started working on is a spiritual memoir, and I've taken it through a few iterations and tests where I fictionalize it. Ultimately, I have a lot of lizard brain impulses (some misguided, some probably valid) around talking about the evolution of finding a more expansive, inclusive spirituality. If I fictionalized it, I feel I could imbue it with the darkness that was really present, and the unspoken dark power that I observed and internalized even as a young child inside evangelical christianity. We'll see, though. 😌
I've heard a few famous writers say that our first book is always a memoir, whether consciously or not. Writing memoir is both easy and excruciating because it merely asks us to be honest. Because memoir readers value honesty, I think they're usually very generous. Personally, I love reading it, and I've hardly read any that I would consider "bad."
Wow, your story sounds fascinating. I hope you don't fictionalize it. I think you can find ways to really bring forth the darkness you felt. One of the major challenges of writing memoir is demonstrating the emotional arc without changing the actual events. For this reason, memoir writing can also be a really difficult entry point.
Love this! Saw your call for quotes and I should have known this would be the direction. I would go so far as to say writers block is a total misnomer and I really appreciate where you went with this
Your article resonated with me and was well done. It must have taken a lot of talented time and effort to pull together all the elements, including comments from other writers, for your article. Your reference to MLMs reminded me of a part of my recent article where I was bemoaning all the sales hype and seduction to buy writer's support items or services interfering with a writer's creative flow. Now, with the advanced sophistication of marketing, how can a vulnerable writer survive? Also, in my more recent articles, I have been doing more of a hybrid of memoir and self-help, but not sure I have the right balance, and maybe because of my professional mental health background, lean more toward self-help. However, my favorite mentor always told me never to give anyone advice, as he actually was giving me advice or a perplexing paradox. https://www.inmindwise.com/p/surmounting-writers-block
“When trying to write, sometimes the writer talks in circles (and more circles, still) about how IF they write this story and IF the story is published, it’s possible that their mother, father, cousin or former priest MIGHT become mad or decide to sue them.”
THIS. When I was younger, I used to always say I didn’t want to “rock the boat.” Then it became more about just not wanting to deal with the backlash. I hasn’t been until the last couple of years that I’ve been able to write about my experience.
And I wouldn’t even classify my experience as traumatic. It’s more about being counter-cultural to my family’s accepted narrative of who I am. I’ve always let them believe it because whatever... they’re loss.
Next week I’m dipping my toe into the waters of my back story, just a little bit. I’m pretty excited, which is a weird emotion in this context. But I’m excited because I’m finally moving past this block I’ve had in regards to telling this story.
And I love everything about this post -- the brain science you share and how it relates to us telling our stories. Wonderful timing for what I’m drafting. Thanks 🙏🏼.
Ahhhh these "backstory" waters are very bubbly waters. (And nevermind about the typos ... I see what you're saying!)
I do think you're tapping at a bigger conversation here: that you wouldn't classify your experience as traumatic, BUT it did create enough sense of unsafeness (is that a word? it is now.) that something was sort of, steering you around that kind of writing and admission for a long time. That feels like lizard brain to me: the intentional, well-meaning, if not erratic, driver at the wheel saying, "Anywhere but heeeeeeereeeeee...!" But now you get to find out and point out to your lizard brain, "Watch what actually happens when we go to this new place."
Damn. So many typos here. Ignore them all! I’m typing with my thumbs on a tiny screen!
https://www.inmindwise.com/p/surmounting-writers-block is a reflection on my recent experience with creative flow interruption and insights.
Fascinating and useful discussion. I’ve had a couple of people ask me what changed since I got sick as my writing has kicked up a notch. Some of it is lowering the bar (unpaid so far) and some of it is deciding not to give a flying... I had a chat with my lizard and we decided that *crickets* was the worst thing likely to happen and we were both ok with that.
Ahhh fantastic! I hope you'll chime in on tomorrow's discussion thread — I'm not sure how many readers have tried having a chit chat with their lizard brain before. :)
I got the idea from Martha Beck & Rowan Mangan’s BeWildered podcast, now my Parts chat all the time. The ‘Father of IFS’ was interviewed on Good Inside podcast and he had a wonderful technique of asking his Parts to ‘let me stay’ - to let the observer-me stay in a crisis because that’s the Part that can referee. Let me stay has been quietly life changing for me.
It's really interesting to consider that writer's block is a "lizard brain" response, thanks. I'm thinking about it like it's an emotional flashback or dissociation or other body response that is trying to protect myself.
Oh there’s a TON of ground to cull through here. And I have definitely experienced dissociation as a form of writer’s block. But since dissociation is mostly a response to trauma, and not everyone has that as a baseline influence of functioning, I think lizard brain is more universally accessible? Maybe? Thanks for chiming in. 🧡
Very interesting. I love how you wove Van Der Kolk's work into this. I'm a fan, too. I don't experience writer's block (did I mention this before?). I have all those same reptilian fears that you mentioned one could have about their writing, but, for whatever reason, they don't get in the way of my writing. Writing actually helps me through those fears, which is why I do it. I can't always write well, but I can always write something. Maybe it's about expectation. I keep things pretty low pressure. I don't have deadlines, and no one is breathlessly waiting for my work. I journal almost every morning, but if I'm not writing more than that, I don't call it "writer's block." I see it as a pause, and that's all it usually is.
That's so interesting! Writing has always been the way I wrestle with the world, with understanding others and I process things.
But my blocks have usually shown up when I try sharing about my lived experience, which is not what I have written up until recently. My best working theory right now is that a lifetime of masking created a substantial challenge of sitting with the "real" me and then letting that person onto the page. Up until recently, all my writing has been arm's length analysis—"out there" sort of writing, if that makes sense.
It's when I try to write from a place within (and then connect with the outside world), that my mind starts playing tricks. Until I realized my writing wasn't "letting anyone in," I don't think I would have said I experienced a "true" writing block either.
But to your point, if you're writing the things you want to, then that's what counts. The low pressure point is also a good reminder for me. I have been practicing "pushing the pressure off" my shoulders in the last month or two, while other parts of me are ready to gleefully run off into the writing sunset, which invariably results in me tripping off a cliff and landing in a ditch. 😬 Thanks for being here and sharing! And thanks for signing up for a paid subscription. I let out a little yippee when I saw it come in. 🫶
Yeah, that makes sense. You found it easier to remain distant in your writing. I can see how it could be a form of masking. I definitely used to mask when I was alone as a way to comfort myself. I even masked in journals, too. I also experience some alexithymia, which I think is why I started writing. I was trying to make sense of the flood of information and emotions that I couldn't understand. My feelings are often a mix of things, and how do you represent that without exhausting your audience?
I saw on your About page that you're working on a memoir. I wrote a memoir years ago. I read over 60 memoirs in an attempt to grasp of the genre, probably 20 or so books on writing technique, and listened to countless podcast hours about writing. I rewrote my memoir several times, but now it's languishing on my hard drive. I'm just not sure how to proceed.
I feel this line: “My feelings are often a mix of things, and how do you represent that without exhausting your audience?”
I don’t think I have a perfect working example because I do think there are some merits to recognizing the writing that’s for a diary or for bouncing off a close friend. But I do think that it’s a useful writing technique to see yourself as someone who can invite readers into confusion and not have the final answers yourself. The way your mind explores confusion is, in and of itself, valuable. So take that for what it’s worth. But it’s what I’m reminding a lot of people about: you don’t have to be landed somewhere to have something valuable to write.
About the memoir writing. Woof. This is a monumental task. My style has been to write outlines and then more outlines and then test my theories about how I’d like to share them. So the fact that you have the memoir down on paper is honestly a real step forward. The best piece of refining that I’ve seen for memoir is that your memoir needs to have theme; it shouldn’t just be a chronological recounting of events happening, people walking, a narrator thinking. I think @Claire Tak (sorry I can’t tag her from here) does a really fantastic job of bringing you into the memory by way of details and reflecting on how the person looked or moved or spoke. I’d love to keep learning about this draft you have!
My memoir follows my experiences with Reiki and some other mystical experiences, but the theme is how I learned to feel valid after a traumatic childhood. Of course, my perspective on my experiences has changed a lot after my autism diagnosis.
I've spent a lot of time studying craft and thinking about it, especially related to memoir, but I've mostly been working in isolation. I found that I can study and study and study, but that doesn't make up for having actual feedback and some self-trust. I had a regular writer's group, but no version of my memoir ever went over well with them. I was always left wondering whether I was a bad writer or if memoir just wasn't their thing. It was a mixed-genre group, where everyone had had wildly different tastes in literature.
My husband was always sure that memoir just wasn't their thing. He's been adamant that I just need to find my audience. That's partly why I started a Substack.
What is your memoir about? Or are you still in the development phase?
This might be a really good theme for one of the paid Ask-an-Editor discussion threads: share a synopsis and 4-5 paragraph sample of your writing (or link to it if it's published somewhere) and get a "gut check" reaction and some next steps.
As a point of encouragement for you: I do have an emerging theory on memoir writing: I think it's the most generous door to all other types of writing. But it's harder to "back in to memoir" from, say, fiction. The self-examination and self-reflective piece takes a certain readiness. So, with that said, if you've written memoir, I can imagine the hard work was getting it onto the page and your friends probably don't have the right sniffers for it.
My memoir has gone in a couple directions. I think the best one I've started working on is a spiritual memoir, and I've taken it through a few iterations and tests where I fictionalize it. Ultimately, I have a lot of lizard brain impulses (some misguided, some probably valid) around talking about the evolution of finding a more expansive, inclusive spirituality. If I fictionalized it, I feel I could imbue it with the darkness that was really present, and the unspoken dark power that I observed and internalized even as a young child inside evangelical christianity. We'll see, though. 😌
I would love that discussion thread!
I've heard a few famous writers say that our first book is always a memoir, whether consciously or not. Writing memoir is both easy and excruciating because it merely asks us to be honest. Because memoir readers value honesty, I think they're usually very generous. Personally, I love reading it, and I've hardly read any that I would consider "bad."
Wow, your story sounds fascinating. I hope you don't fictionalize it. I think you can find ways to really bring forth the darkness you felt. One of the major challenges of writing memoir is demonstrating the emotional arc without changing the actual events. For this reason, memoir writing can also be a really difficult entry point.